But more importantly, he never bought Phil's attitude toward
women. Jack has made his wife a partner in his decision making. He
respects and honors his wife and her opinions and feelings. He
understands that for his marriage to thrive, he has to share the
driver's seat.
There was a time when Phil's macho attitude wasn't necessarily
a liability for a husband. But our data suggest that this is no longer
the case. In our long-term study of 130 newlywed couples, now in its
eighth year, we have found that, even in the first few months of
marriage, men who allow their wives to influence them have happier
marriages and are less likely to divorce than men who resist their
wives' influence. Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to
share power with his partner, there is an 81 percent chance that his
marriage will self-destruct.
Obviously it takes two to make or break a marriage, so we're
not singling out men here. The point of this chapter is not to scold,
bash, or insult men. It's certainly just as important for wives to treat
their husbands with honor and respect. But my data indicate that the
vast majority of wives--even in unstable marriages--already do that.
This doesn't mean that they don't get angry and even contemptuous
of their husbands. It just means that they let their husbands influence
their decision making by taking their opinions and
feelings into account. But too often men do not return the favor.
"Anything you say, dear"?That was the sound bite that some members of the media used,
erroneously, to sum up my study on accepting influence. It was
parodied on Saturday Night Live, pilloried by Rush Limbaugh, and
picked on by Bill Ma her, the host of Politically Incorrect. I got the
biggest chuckle from one newspaper cartoon that depicted Saddam
Hussein's wife asking him to take out the garbage and him refusing
until she held a machine gun to his head and he finally said, "Yes,
dear."