that does not require grace and does not cast them on Christ, but
rather on their own resources.
(^) Many parents get confused at this point. They realize their
children are unable to love others from the heart without salvation
and new birth. So they conclude that, since it is not possible, the
standard must be lowered. They set a standard that is in keeping with
their children’s resources.
(^) Dependence on their own resources moves them away from the
cross. It moves them away from any self-assessment that would force
them to conclude that they desperately need Jesus’ forgiveness and
power.
(^) I have spoken to many parents who feared they were producing
little hypocrites who were proud and self-righteous. Hypocrisy and
self-righteousness is the result of giving children a keepable law and
telling them to be good. To the extent they are successful, they
become like the Pharisees, people whose exterior is clean, while
inside they are full of dirt and filth. The genius of Phariseeism was
that it reduced the law to a keepable standard of externals that any
self-disciplined person could do. In their pride and self-righteousness,
they rejected Christ.
(^) Correction and shepherding must focus on Christ. It is only in
Christ that the child who has strayed and has experienced conviction
of sin may find hope, forgiveness, salvation, and power to live.
Application Questions for Chapter 12
(^) 1. To whom does your child feel accountable when he sins?
(^) 2. How do you keep your children focused on the fact that
obedience to parents is based on God’s command? Do you ever find
yourself basing your requirements simply on your will and desires?
(^) 3. Are you focusing your correction and direction on behavior
or on attitudes of the heart? Do your children think of themselves as
sinners because of what they do or because of what they are?