relationships are cold and people are essentially distant, critical, or
competitive, that inɻuences what the child expects relationships to
feel like. On the other hand, if the child experiences relationships
full of nurturing warmth, connection, and protection, then that will
become the model for future relationships—with friends, with
other members of various communities, and eventually with
romantic partners and their own children.
It’s really not an exaggeration to say that the kind of
relationships you provide for your children will aʃect generations
to come. We can impact the future of the world by caring well for
our children and by being intentional in giving them the kinds of
relationships that we value and that we want them to see as
normal.
PREPARING FOR “WE”: OFFERING EXPERIENCES THAT LEAD TO CONNECTION
In addition to modeling good relationships for our kids, we need to
prepare them to join with others, so they’ll be capable of becoming
a part of a “we.” After all, just because the mind is equipped and
designed to connect with others doesn’t mean that a child is born
with relationship skills. Being born with muscles doesn’t make you
an athlete: you need to learn and practice speciɹc skills. Likewise,
children don’t emerge from the womb wanting to share their toys.
Nor are their ɹrst words “I’ll sacriɹce what I want so we can strike
a mutually beneɹcial compromise.” On the contrary, the phrases
that dominate the vocabulary of toddlers—“mine,” “me,” and even
“no”—emphasize their lack of understanding of what it means to
be a part of a “we.” So they have to learn mindsight skills like
sharing, forgiving, sacrifice, and listening.
Colin, Ron and Sandy’s son who seems so egocentric, is for the
most part a very normal kid. He just hasn’t quite mastered many of