upstairs-downstairs knowledge can be. Now let’s talk about other
ways you can help develop your child’s upstairs brain and allow it
to become stronger and more integrated with the downstairs brain.
What You Can Do:
Helping Develop and Integrate Your Child’s Upstairs Brain
Whole-Brain Strategy #3:
Engage, Don’t Enrage: Appealing to the Upstairs Brain
Ask yourself, as you interact with your kids through the day, which
part of their brain you’re appealing to. Are you engaging the
upstairs? Or are you triggering the downstairs? The answer to this
question can go a long way toward determining the outcome of one
of those delicately balanced parenting moments. Here’s a story
Tina tells about a time she faced just such a moment with her son:
While eating at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants, I
noticed that my four-year-old had left the table and was
standing behind a pillar about ten feet away. As much as I
love him, and as adorable as he is most of the time, when I
saw his angry, deɹant face coupled with his repeated tongue-
thrusting aimed at our table, “adorable” wasn’t the word that
came to my mind. A few diners at surrounding tables noticed
and looked at my husband, Scott, and me to see how we were
going to handle the situation. In that moment, Scott and I felt
the pressure and judgment of those watching and expecting us
to lay down the law about manners at a restaurant.
I clearly saw two choices as I walked over and crouched
down eye-level with my son. Option #1: I could go the
traditional “command and demand” route and open with a
clichéd threat uttered in a stern tone: “Stop making faces,