The Whole-Brain Child

you just do it. You’ve done it so many times before, you don’t even
think about what you’re doing. Your brain ɹres oʃ clusters of
neurons that let you undo the tabs, remove the diaper, reach for a
baby wipe, and so on, all without ever even realizing that you are
“remembering” how to do it. That’s one kind of memory: past
experiences (changing diaper after diaper) inɻuence your behavior
in the present (changing this particular diaper) without any
realization that your memory has even been triggered.
If, on the other hand, you think about that day you ɹrst changed
a diaper, you might pause for a moment, scan your memory, and
come up with an image of yourself nervously gripping a baby’s
ankle, then cringing at the mess you ɹnd in the diaper, then
struggling to ɹgure out what to do next. When you actively think
about these images and emotions, then you’re aware that you are
recalling something from the past. This is also memory—but it’s
diʃerent from the memory that enables you to change a diaper
now without thinking about it.
These two types of memory interweave and work together in
your normal everyday living. The memory that enables you to
change your baby without knowing that you are remembering is
called implicit memory. Your ability to recall learning to change a
diaper (or to recall any other speciɹc moment) is explicit memory.
Usually when we talk about memory, we mean what is technically
explicit memory: a conscious recollection of a past experience. But
we need to know about both kinds of memory, for our own sake as
well as for that of our children. By getting a clear handle on these
two diʃerent types of memory, we can provide our kids with what
they need as they grow and mature and deal with diɽcult
experiences.
Let’s start by focusing on implicit memories, which begin
forming even before we are born. Dan tells a story about an
informal “research study” he performed in his own family.