The Conscious Parent

painful and wrenching for us to witness. We see our children’s pain and
confusion, their exhilaration and energy. Though we try to shield them
from what is to come, they boldly run forward, wanting to taste it all.
During these intermediate years, our children’s sense of who they are
undergoes a dramatic overhaul. Their identity is now in flux, leaving us
in equal unrest. We watch how their development suddenly takes a
different turn as they grapple with the uncertainties of their maturing
body and budding intellect. Their body doesn’t care for psychological
timetables, which renders them mentally unprepared for their physical
maturity. Abuzz with hormonal surges and riddled with insecurity, they
feel groundless. Where before the world was so clearly black and white,
now they are unsure which colors paint their life.
Your children belong less to you now than they ever did. They are
growing and need the space to do so, which requires you to retreat from
your dominance and emerge in your kinship. No longer can you be the
ever-powerful parent, but must instead become an everpresent partner.
Your children need you to hold their hand, but without leading the way.
They need you to be there when they cry but cannot explain why they are
crying. They need you to respect their privacy even while they cling to
you. They need you to accept them when they reject both themselves and
you, and to understand them even when they make no sense. They need
you to swim with them in the treacherous waters of their chaotic
emotions, even when they keep throwing their life jacket away. They
need you to be calm when they take you to the edge of your sanity, to be
quiet and listen even when they beg you to give your opinion, and to
simply be there without heed to your own ideas or interpretations. They