ACCEPTANCE
As our children mature beyond the middle school years, we get to see the
effects of their upbringing. As all that we never thought would or even
could happen to us now descends on us, we experience humiliation,
defensiveness, guilt, and outrage. We are at the mercy of these children
for whom we sacrificed so much! Is it any wonder so many of us call a
professional to medicate or therapize our child?
During the mid to later teen years, we are forced to reconcile our hopes
for our children when they were young with the fact we are now having
to deal with the problems we thought only visited other people, such as
having our children diagnosed or pulling them out of restrooms because
they are drunk and throwing up. Indeed, whatever our relationship with
our children may have been prior to these years, it may appear to have no
bearing on their often bizarre behavior now. Yet it has everything to do
with what’s unfolding. So much so that when parents wonder who their
children have become as teens, I respond, “They are the same people.
They didn’t morph into someone else overnight.”
Our children burst forth like never before at this stage, with more
personality, more attitude, more self-assertion. However, a difficult
teenager doesn’t sprout up overnight; the seeds were being sown all
along. At this stage, our children are able to pay heed to their unmet
needs. Unfortunately, if they have been starving for authentic parental
nurture, chances are they will now go about seeking this in unhealthy
ways.
If you were too strict with your children, the teen years are a time
when they break free. If you were too permissive when your children