children with our theories, well-laid-out thoughts, and already-
formulated answers, we teach them to be passive recipients of our
knowledge. When we confide that we don’t know the answers, we invite
them to allow the universe to give them the answers.
Each of us has witnessed our child’s delight when they hit on an
answer mom and dad hadn’t thought of. This nurtures the seeds of
initiative and resourcefulness. The smallest, “I don’t know, but let’s find
out together,” has the power to evoke the most profound of life qualities.
It begins with our willingness as parents to step off our pedestal of
“knowing” and enter into not knowing.
Here are some ways to enter into the state of not knowing:
When our child asks a question, we don’t jump in with an opinion or
answer, but simply sit in the space this creates
Even when we know the answer, we say, “Let’s discover the answer
together”
We tell our child, “You think about it, and tell me what you find”
We demonstrate that we simply can’t know everything, and that we
are comfortable with not knowing
We teach our child there’s power in being able to ask the question,
even more than in being able to answer it. This shifts their
orientation from outcome-based to process-based
When we teach our child to value their ability to ask the question,
we teach them to connect with the wonder of imagining.It’s important not to jump in with an answer when your child asks,