The Conscious Parent

abundant opportunity for practicing the art of negotiation. Of course,
there are some situations in which there can be no yielding, such as
safety and respect for self and others. But for the most part, the conflicts
we engage in center on our massive parental ego—our desire to “appear”
a certain way to the outside world.
When we teach our children the art of negotiation, we sow the seeds
that will allow them to enter into intimate relationships later in life.
Many a lesson is learned when we are able to stay with the discomfort of
not knowing, wondering, “Should I give in, or will you?” It’s a matter of
being comfortable with not achieving complete resolution. Life isn’t neat
and tidy, but messy. It demands that we give of ourselves and let go, and
that we do so again and again. By staying with the internal struggle that
accompanies conflict—accepting that things aren’t perfect, and being
okay with feeling frustrated that we can’t come up with a quick fix—we
teach our children to tolerate their emotions.
Conflict offers timeless life-lessons both for parent and child—
lessons that teach our children: “Yes, you can indeed assert your will,
and you will not be punished for it. But at the same time, you need to
learn how to accept and absorb another’s will.” Simultaneously, we
parents learn to quell our need for control. Conscious parenting is a two-
way transformation indeed!
If as a parent you can practice and then teach the dance of balancing
the “I” and the “we,” you will impart to your children one of life’s most
difficult but essential lessons. By learning to view conflict as a way to
experience the value in “losing,” the beauty of creating a negotiated
solution, and the foolhardiness of living in a rigid world of either-or, you