teach your children to engage life as it truly is: full of complex,
competing demands, and rich with unpredictability. You teach them that
“winning” in life is all about finding creative solutions, being flexible,
and learning to negotiate authentically with an intimate other.HOW TO DISCIPLINE IN A MANNER THAT WORKS
Traditionally, the relationship between parent and child has been
hierarchical and linear: the parent issues rules and orders like a military
general, and children either obey or find themselves punished.
A conscious relationship is never hierarchical or linear. Conscious
discipline isn’t parent versus child, but involves a circular dynamic of
parent with child. The relationship between parent and child is
paramount, not specific techniques. No matter what may be occurring in
terms of the content of the relationship, the relationship itself should
always be circular in nature. Many behavioral issues can be headed off
simply by altering the parent-child dynamic in this way.
If we focus only on the content of our children’s behavior, we may
find ourselves limited to a few strategies such as reprimands, time outs,
and punishments. These not only create stress and strife, they also
narrow the possibilities for self-growth. Because we turn inappropriate
behavior into something shameful, our children also lose the opportunity
for self-learning.
Children generally view discipline negatively. The very word
“discipline” smacks of authority and control, conjuring up images of
punishment. In contrast, by seeing discipline not in terms of instituting
obedience based on fear, but as education in crucial life lessons, our