The Conscious Parent

children’s belief that something is wrong with their body, instead of
tapping into the underlying emotional issue. This is why it’s so
important for us to carve out the space for our children to express who
they are on an emotional basis. Once you understand that your children
engage in negative or positive behavior due to an underlying emotional
state, you can teach them to express their emotions in a direct manner. A
direct way to express their emotions would mean they are able to
articulate when they are angry instead of engaging in angry behavior
that’s hurtful or destructive. Similarly, they can note that they are sad
rather than resorting to self-destructive behavior. As you teach your
children to access their emotional world on a continual basis, they don’t
feel the need to act out their emotions in attention-seeking ways.
Because they feel heard, they have no reason to draw attention to
themselves. Feeling accepted and validated, they experience no
compulsion to drown their painful emotions in negative behavior.
When your children hear you articulate your emotions in a direct,
matter-of-fact manner, they emulate this. To express what you are
feeling, you don’t have to yell and scream. Instead, when an issue arises
between your children and yourself, you can say, “We both have feelings
about this. Tell me yours, then I will share mine.” It’s crucial your
children know that their feelings are as important as yours.
Whenever you invite your children to tell you what’s bothering them,
if the matter concerns something you have done, you might say to them,
“Why don’t you tell me where you believe I have gone wrong and how I
can correct it. I’m ready to listen to everything that’s causing you pain
right now. You are free to express yourself—there will be no judgment.”