In such a situation, it’s essential you are ready to admit your errant ways.
You can tell your children, “I know how it feels when I sense I’m not
respected. I’m sorry I have made you feel this way. Let’s find a way
whereby each of us can experience respect from the other.”
If your child steals, you ask yourself questions such as: What is it
about my presence that causes my child to feel the need to steal? What
internal lack is my child experiencing that they are seeking to meet by
stealing? This is an opportunity to identify the emotional roots of the
behavior, since such behavior doesn’t occur in a void but always
involves an underlying emotional reason. Your responsibility is to
uncover this.
Consider yourself an usher, leading your children toward living in
reality in an acceptable manner, as you simultaneously move away from
thinking of youself as a disciplinarian. Consistency is crucial. You
cannot shape one behavior and not the next, or shape a behavior one day
and ignore it the next. When you scream at your children’s behavior one
day, then ignore it another day, your children learn to manipulate you.ACTING OUT REFLECTS UNMET EMOTIONAL
NEEDS
Little do we realize that when our children act out in a serious way, it’s
likely because they are screaming, “Please help me!”
They are in effect saying, “Please stop my behavior, or I will hurt
myself or someone else. I want to learn how to be contained because I
don’t like how I feel when I’m out of control. I don’t like feeling guilty
for hurting others, and I don’t like feeling ashamed all the time. I’m a