PEARL 13

Divorce and Visitation

When parents divorce, the casualty list includes more than the husband

and wife. Kids suffer too. They may experience mood swings,
defensiveness about being touched, elimination problems (younger
children), hyperactivity (grade-school children), back talk (teenagers),
and general problems with schoolwork, lack of interest, and laziness.
Such behavior is often part of a normal grieving process and can be
alleviated by following these ten guidelines for divorced or divorcing
parents. (Remember that there is no way to make it good for the kids. In
their eyes, divorce is a disaster. These guidelines are offered as a way to
make a bad situation a little better.)

Guideline   One:    Expect  children    to  handle  the divorce about   as  well

as   the     adults  handle  it.     If  the     parents     are     bitter,     angry,  and

noncommunicative,   the children    will    probably    behave  in  much    the

same    way.

Guideline   Two:    Let the children    know    that    the divorce is  not their

fault.   As  adults,     we  know    children    seldom  cause   divorces.

Nevertheless,   some    children    may think,  If  I   had been    a   better  kid,    my

parents wouldn’t    be  divorcing.  A   parent  can say,    “Isaac, you know

that     some    kids    are     friends     and     then    decide  they    can’t   get     along.

Well,   that’s  kind    of  what    has happened    with    Dad and me. But we

both    still   love    you.”

Guideline    Three:  Be  honest  about   feelings    and     observations.