Rule Three: Let the grandparents know why we are with them.
Is it because of a sense of guilt or obligation? Or do we visit because we
want to have fun? Sometimes we need to tell our parents, “Mom and Dad,
people get together on vacations either out of a sense of obligation and
guilt or to have fun together. I’m wondering if you see our times together
as fun. If not, come up with a solution for this, as I’m unwilling for us to
relate purely out of a sense of obligation and guilt.”
Rule Four: Clarify bottom-line expectations.
It is important that a few things be made clear to both parties. One
request we must make of our parents is that they do not comment
negatively on our parenting techniques in front of our children. Another
might be that they not discipline the kids without our permission. In some
cases, it might be necessary to discuss the option of leaving the kids at
home so grandparents won’t be tempted to meddle.
Likewise, grandparents have rights. If the kids are acting like hellions,
grandparents have the right to either ask us to handle it or ask the entire
tribe to leave.
If our parenting techniques are decidedly different from those of our
folks, it might be wise to explain the principles of Love and Logic
parenting before we visit.^9
In summary, the guidelines for handling grandparents are similar to
those for handling children: be assertive, take care of yourself in a
healthy way, concentrate on problem solving rather than on frustration
and anger, and provide consequences if necessary.