no us. We relinquish control and allow our kids’ room to be their own
private domain.
A child’s room is a great learning ground for an irresponsible kid. If
our kids are not at the level of responsibility they should be, we can take
the large step back into the picture.
The state of our kids’ room is a control battle we can win. But making
an issue of it doesn’t mean yelling at them. It means offering choices and
using other Love and Logic techniques. Here again we want to avoid
telling our kids when to clean their room. Much better is to set a certain
time by which they must have it done. A conversation might go like this:
PARENT: “Would it be reasonable for you to have your room
cleaned by Saturday morning?”
CHILD: “Aw, I don’t want to clean my room.”
PARENT: “Well, that’s okay. You don’t have to. You can hire me or
your sister or your brother to do it. We’d love some extra cash.”
CHILD: “But I don’t have any money.”
PARENT: “You know, when adults don’t have any money, they sell
something.”
CHILD: “Sell something?”
PARENT: “You don’t have to decide now what you’re going to sell.
You can tell me by Saturday. If you can decide by Saturday, that
means you get to choose what to sell. And if you can’t, that means I
choose. So you have a choice of who chooses. That’s up to you.”Chances are that child will decide to clean his or her room.
In summary, when children are small, having fun cleaning the room
together with a parent helps teach the joy of responsibility. As they get
older, have more activities, and collect more stuff, their room is no
cleaner than our hotel room after a week’s vacation. There’s just not
enough room, and there are other things to do. Kids keep their room about
as clean as we keep the garage — and for the same reason. It’s a storage
area.