Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

We can do the same. Saying, “When your voice sounds like mine, I’ll
be glad to talk with you,” addresses the real problem with whining: the
child’s tone of voice. Whether or not Nolan can have a cookie will be
discussed later, after the syrupy, high-pitched pleading stops. However,
kids are nothing if not persistent. Sometimes saying, “I won’t listen to
you while you’re whining,” encourages them and provides the emotional
feedback they want. By saying it, we may actually be responding to their
whining. What then?
If we think we aren’t getting results by asking our whining children to
leave or if we find ourselves drawn into a discussion, then we can win the
battle by ignoring the whining altogether. It is best, however, to explain
this method before employing it. Sit the child down when emotions are
calm and say, “Nolan, if Dad and I ever act like we don’t hear you, it’s
not because we don’t hear you. We do. It’s just that we don’t want to hear
you unless you talk a certain way. That’s why we won’t answer your
question. But when you can talk nicely, in the same tone of voice we talk
in, then you’ll get an answer.” Eventually, kids will realize that we’ll
listen only when they’re speaking nicely.