PEARL 48

Whining and Complaining

It’s ten o’clock in the morning, and Nolan wants a cookie. He knows he

can’t have one, but that has never stopped him from asking before, and it
won’t stop him now. “Mommy, I want a cookie,” he whines, his little
fingers clutching the seam on his mom’s jeans.
“Nolan, you know you can’t have cookies between meals,” Mom
returns. “Now, run off and play.”
“But Mommy, I want one,” Nolan continues.
“You can have one at lunchtime. Now, off you go.”
“I don’t want to wait. I want one now.”
“Well, you can’t have one.”
“But, Mom-m-my. I want one now-w-w!”
Then it happens. Parents who tolerate whining from their kids
eventually whine back. “Will you stop whin-ing?” Mom says. “I hate it
when you whine like that!”
No wonder Nolan whines like a pro: He has a good teacher. The fact is,
parents who spend a lot of time pleading with their children develop kids
who are experts at pleading. Quite often, just to get rid of that long-
playing, sing-songy record of complaint, we surrender and grudgingly
fork over the cookie. The message the child gets is that whining works.
Some schoolteachers effectively fight whining with multiple-choice
questions. Jim once heard a teacher say, “Do you suppose I’ll be able to
understand you better when you’re whining or not whining? Why don’t
you go to your desk and think about that? Come back when you’ve
decided.”