they don’t think is in the child’s best interest: buy candy, buy toys,
provide a new car, and so on. Love and Logic parents who encourage
responsibility early are less likely to get into the yes-or-no hassle:
CHILD: “Can I have (candy, prom dress, car)?”
MOM: “Honey, if anyone deserves that (candy, prom dress, car), it’s
you. Buy it!”
CHILD: “I don’t have the money.”
MOM: “Sorry about that. It’s like that a lot for me too. I guess then
you won’t buy it.”Mean What You Say, and Say What You Mean
Just as quickly as kids learn the limits, they’ll test them. In fact, they
need to test them in order to assure themselves that the limits are firm
enough to provide the needed security. They need to find out if we mean
what we say — if we’re going to stand firm on our word or not. They
have to discover if the walls are real or if they will crumble when they are
tested.
Most children seem to have their own special testing routine. Some use
anger or guilt, some are sneaky, and others feign forgetfulness as a means
of testing parental resolve. They never seem to say, “Thanks, Dad, I feel a
lot more secure now that I know you mean what you say. I appreciate
your loving me enough to set these limits.” Instead, they pout, complain,
stomp around, run to their rooms, whine, or talk back. Kids are not above
laying guilt trips on us either. If we tell them to get the job done before
they next eat, they’ll respond with, “Imagine being raised by a dad who
doesn’t even let me eat around this place!”
Using Love and Logic doesn’t mean any of this will go away; the fact
is that it often increases. Kids would prefer you went back to your old
methods than continue as things are now. However, Love and Logic
parents are ready for the siege and know how to come through it with
everyone the better for the experience. While kids will do anything to