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RECOGNIZING THE SIX TYPES OF
TESTING AND MANIPULATIONHow to Prepare for Kids Resisting 1-2-3 Magic
WHEN YOU ARE IN the warm, friendly parenting mode, you will usually
not be frustrating your children. When you are operating from the
demanding, firm side, however, you will be! As a parent, you have to
regularly frustrate your children in three main ways: (1) ask them to
start doing things they don’t want to do (homework, going to bed), (2)
ask them to stop doing things they do want to do (teasing, whining),
and (3) not give them something they want (cookie, toy).
When you are frustrating your little ones, the children have two
choices. First, they can cooperate with what you want and tolerate
their own frustration. Most kids gradually learn that frustration is not
the end of the world, and as they mature they begin to get a sense that
putting up with present aggravations may actually be the route to
future rewards. That ability to delay gratification now for something
better later is one foundation of emotional intelligence.
On the other hand, frustrated children can engage in what we call