boy sneaked down to the basement and hid for two hours, not
responding to anyone who called his name. The tactic was effective,
at least in punishing his mother, who was beside herself with worry.
What’s Going On Here?
Most kids, of course, would never be able to describe the underlying
mechanics of testing. But we can tell you exactly what’s going on.
Here’s how it works: The six testing and manipulation tactics share a
common dynamic. Without quite knowing what he’s doing, the child
is in effect saying to the parent: “Look, you’re making me
uncomfortable by not giving me what I want. You’re making me get
out of bed, you’re counting me for teasing my sister, or you’re not
buying me a treat. But now I’m also making you uncomfortable with
my badgering, tantrums, ominous statements, etc. Now that we’re
both uncomfortable. I’ll make you a deal: you call off your dogs and
I’ll call off mine.”
Quik TipA child who is testing you is offering you a deal: give me what I want, and my
badgering, temper, threat, or martyrdom will stop—immediately! Does that sound
like a deal you can’t refuse? Think again!If you do give in and give the child what he wants, you are
guaranteed that any testing will stop immediately. In a split second,