no more hassles. Some people say, “Thank heaven—there’s a way of
getting rid of testing and manipulation!” There certainly is, but
what’s the catch? The catch, of course, is who’s running your house?
It certainly isn’t you; it’s the kids. All they have to do during a
conflict is get out their big manipulative guns and you are chopped
liver.
Who’s Pushing Your Buttons?
Think of each of your kids, one at a time, and ask yourself, “Does this
child have a favorite testing tactic? One that he or she uses very
frequently or all the time?” If your answer is yes, that’s bad news.
Why? Because that means the testing ploy works for the child. People
don’t generally repeat behavior that doesn’t work for them.
CautionDoes your child have a favorite testing tactic? If your answer is yes, that means
the strategy is working, either by:- getting the child her way or
- allowing her to get revenge on the adult she is testing.
Let’s recall the two purposes of testing and manipulation. First of
all, a testing strategy works when the child successfully gets his way
by using that tactic. How do you know if a child is getting his way by