example, your ten-year-old son, Tom, comes running in the door after
school yelling, “My music teacher’s an idiot!” What should you do?
You may feel like saying, “That’s no way to talk!” You could start
counting—after all, the boy is screaming.
But think for a second. He is not screaming at you, and he is upset
about something and you don’t know what it is. Your priority? Find
out what happened and give the child some support. Being angry is no
crime, and his outburst couldn’t be testing and manipulation, because
you didn’t do anything to frustrate him. Here is a time for some
sympathetic listening. The conversation might go something like this:
Tom: “My music teacher’s an idiot!”
Mom: “Tell me what happened.”
Tom: “She made me sing in front of the whole stupid class, and
only one other kid had to do it. All my friends were laughing at me!”
Mom: “What did she make you sing?”
Tom: “I don’t know, some jerk hymn or something.”
Mom: “That must have been awfully embarrassing.”
Tom: “I’m going to flunk her class—on purpose!”
Mom: “Boy, I haven’t seen you this mad for a while! So what
happened when you had to sing?”
Tom: “She makes me stand in the front of the room, then she
plays her idiot piano, and I don’t even know the words! I could see
Dave was giggling and trying not to laugh. I’d like to see him do it!”
Mom: “So you thought it wasn’t right for her to make you do it
when no one else had to.”
Tom: “Yeah. Why are they picking on me all the time? What a
totally ignorant school.” (Tom leaves to get a snack.)
Sympathetic listening is a way of talking to someone with
sympathy or empathy. (The distinction between the two isn’t
important here.) Listening is very respectful of another person’s
thoughts and feelings, because the listener doesn’t just sit there but
instead attempts to see the world through the other person’s eyes.
marcin
(Marcin)
#1