When you are listening to your child, you are—like Tom’s mother
—forgetting your own opinions for a while, suspending judgment, and
committing yourself to completely understanding how the child saw a
particular situation. (You don’t have to agree with him.) In our
example, Mom is not assuming that her son is being disrespectful or
that he caused the trouble. Nor is she formulating her own response.
Therefore, sympathetic listening should be done to accomplish two
things: (1) to understand what another person is saying and thinking
—from his or her point of view, and (2) to communicate back and
check that understanding with the person doing the talking. The
listener is an active participant in the conversation, not someone who
just sits and nods from time to time (although that’s not so bad either
when you’re totally beat!).
Quik TipSympathetic listening is very respectful of your child’s thoughts and feelings. But
listening isn’t easy—you have to learn to keep your own opinions to yourself for a
while!Sympathetic listening is not easy for parents. Once you get past
the point of feeling artificial or passive, however, you can sometimes
pleasantly surprise your children with your willingness to listen to
their concerns and hear their side of the story. Listening is an