Checks or Summaries
From time to time during a talk, it is helpful to check out whether or
not you are really getting a good idea of what your child is saying.
Giving short summaries now and then of what your child is telling
you lets him know that you’re really listening and trying to see the
world for a moment through his eyes.
Examples of checks or summaries might be: “Sounds like you’re
saying that our rules for chores favor your sister,” “You felt it was
your worst day at school this year,” or “You wish I weren’t gone so
much so we could do more together?” In the example above, Mom’s
summary was this: “So you thought it wasn’t very fair for her to make
you do it when no one else had to.” That was a nice, sympathetic
comment.
Quik TipListening is a skill, but it’s also an attitude—on your part. You’ll learn a lot about
what your kids think about life. Better start listening now, because you’re
definitely going to want to know what your kids are thinking when they’re
teenagers!Good listening is a communication skill, but it is also an attitude
—your attitude, not your child’s. It’s the attitude of sincerely trying
to figure out what someone else is thinking even if you don’t agree.
This, of course, is a different kind of job if you’re talking to a two-
year-old or a ten-year-old. You’ll also find that if you listen well, you