moved from down the block to a city nine hundred miles away. It’s
9:15 p.m., which is usually story time for your eight-year-old
daughter and part of her basic bedtime routine. But over the last
couple of weeks you’ve skipped story time on three occasions and had
her go to sleep by herself. You hear, “Mom, are you coming up?” You
think, “What’s the use? I’m tired. She can get herself to sleep.” You
say, “Not tonight, honey.”
Right way: You think, “I’ve been sloppy lately with her bedtime
because of things going on in my own life. Maintaining the routine
and our time together is important. I’ll also feel better reading to her
than I will sitting down here moping.” You say, “I’ll be up in a
second.”
Recovering from a Slip-Up
What do you do when you find yourself—over the short or long term
—falling back into your old ways? First of all, accept slipping as
normal. Nobody’s perfect, including you, and you shouldn’t expect
yourself to be. Life—especially with kids—is also more complex,
messy, and challenging than any of us ever anticipated.
Second, it’s back to basics. Most often, when parents come to me
and say “The 1-2-3 is not working anymore,” what is happening is a
violation of the No Talking and No Emotion Rules. The next most
common setback is forgetting Parenting Job 3, relationship
strengthening. So we sit down and review 1-2-3 Magic carefully, and
then send Mom and Dad on their way. This brief refresher course
usually takes care of the problem.
The fact that you used 1-2-3 Magic once and got tripped up a little
does not hurt the program’s effectiveness the second time around.
Turn that 1-2-3 switch back to On.