One explanation, if really necessary, is fine. It’s the attempts at repeated
explanations that get adults and kids into trouble. Too much parent talking irritates
and distracts children.How do you do that? You start by changing your thinking about
children and by getting rid of the Little Adult Assumption. To get this
crazy and harmful notion out of parents’ heads, we use a bit of what
we call “cognitive shock therapy.” Although it may sound strange,
think of it like this: instead of imagining your kids as little adults,
think of yourself as a wild animal trainer! Of course, we don’t mean
using whips, guns, or chairs. And we certainly don’t mean being
nasty.
But what does a wild animal trainer do? He chooses a method—
which is largely nonverbal—and repeats it until the “trainee” does
what the trainer wants. The trainer is patient, gentle, and persistent.
Our job in this book is to present some training methods to you, so
that you can repeat them until the trainees (your children) do what
you want them to.
Fortunately, you do not usually have to repeat these methods for
very long before you get results. And you can gradually add more
talking and reasoning into your strategy as the kids get older. But
remember this: one explanation—if necessary—is fine. It’s the
attempts at repeated explanations that get adults and children in
trouble.
From Dictatorship to Democracy