The overall orientation of 1-2-3 Magic is what you might call
“dictatorship to democracy.” When your kids are little, your house
should be pretty much a benign dictatorship where you are the judge
and jury. Your four-year-old, for example, cannot unilaterally choose
—at seven thirty in the morning on Wednesday—to skip preschool
because she wants to stay home and play with her new birthday stuff.
Key ConceptNoncompliance and lack of cooperation in children are not always due to lack of
information. Kids are not little adults or simply small computers, so raising
children involves training as well as explaining.When the kids are in their mid to late teens, however, your house
should be more of a democracy. Teenagers should have more say
about the rules that affect them. You should have family meetings to
iron out differences. Even when the kids are teens, though, when push
comes to shove, who’s paying the mortgage? You are. And who
knows better than the kids what’s good for them? You do. When
necessary, you have a right—and a duty—to impose limits on your
children, even if they don’t like it.
Too many parents these days are afraid of their children. What are
they afraid of? Physical attack? Not usually. What many parents fear
is that their children won’t like them. So, in a conflict situation, these
parents explain and explain and explain, hoping the child will