Quik TipGive one explanation, if absolutely necessary, and then count. No extra talking
and no extra emotion. You stay calmer and you feel better.Is an explanation in order? Yes. He’s never been trampolining on
your couch before. You tell him that although he took off his shoes,
which you appreciate, you’re afraid he’ll hurt himself or ruin the
couch and that’s why you counted. Good explanation.
When is an explanation not necessary? Imagine that a few hours
later on the same day, the same seven-year-old—for no apparent
reason—gives his younger sister a medium-sized shove right in front
of you. You say, “That’s 1.” He growls, “WHAT DID I DO?” You
say, “That’s 2.” This is pure defiance, not a real question. Do you
need to explain that he just shoved his sister? Of course not. An
explanation here would simply invite the boy to argue with you. And
this kid sounds like he’s ready for an argument! Argue back and you
have just left the discipline ballpark again.
More Affection, More Fun
It’s sad to say, but in many families, careless attempts at discipline
take up lots and lots of time. The Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell—and
sometimes Hit—syndrome can run its course in less than a minute,
but it can also occupy hours and hours. During this time everyone is
agitated and angry. Parents do not like their kids, and kids do not like
their parents.
With the 1-2-3 method, the issue is usually settled in a matter of