up. Remember that we’re counting Stop (obnoxious) behaviors, such
as arguing, whining, badgering, and teasing. It only takes a child one
second to cooperate with you by stopping the annoying activity. We
certainly don’t want to give a child half an hour to continue a tantrum
before giving him a 2.
Counting is perfectly designed to produce the one second of
motivation necessary for cooperation. We give the kids five seconds,
though, which is a little more generous. Why five seconds? Because
this brief pause gives the children time to think things over and do the
right thing. In those few seconds—provided the adult keeps quiet—
kids learn to take responsibility for their own behavior.
If a child hits a 1 or a 2, does he stay at that count for the
rest of the day, even if he does nothing else wrong?
No. The time perspective of young children is short. You would not
say “That’s 1” at nine in the morning, “That’s 2” at eleven fifteen,
and “That’s 3. Take five” at three in the afternoon. We have what we
call our “window of opportunity” rule. For example, if a six-year-old
does three things wrong in a thirty-minute period, each warning
counts toward the total of three. But if he does one thing wrong, then
an hour goes by, then he does something else he shouldn’t, you can
start back at 1.
Very few children manipulate this rule by doing one thing,
allowing thirty minutes to pass, and then figuring, “Now I get a free
one!” If you feel your child is trying to get away with this, simply
make the next count a 2 instead of going back to 1.
The window of opportunity should be longer as kids get older.
Here is a general guideline: for four-year-olds, consider a time period
of ten or fifteen minutes; for eleven-year-olds, think about two to
three hours. Classroom teachers in the primary grades do not usually
use a short window because, with twenty-five children in the class,
this would allow for too much potential misbehavior in too short a