point of the 1-2-3 program is to avoid the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-
Hit routine.
My child has a fit when I try to drop him off at preschool.
No matter how much I try to reassure him, he screams
whenever I try to leave.
Though separation anxiety is normal in little children, the kids’
desperate screams when you try to leave them at preschool, with a
sitter, or even at Grandma’s can be very upsetting to you. Here’s what
you do. Bite your lip and become the Master of the Quick Exit. When
dropping children off (or leaving home), kiss the kids good-bye, tell
them when you’ll see them again, and get out of there! The longer you
stay and the more you talk, the worse you will make the situation.
If these awful moments make you feel like a totally cold and
uncaring parent, call back later and ask the caregiver how long your
child cried. The average is eighty seconds.
Shouldn’t the kids ever apologize?
This is a tough question. If you’re currently asking your kids to
apologize and that routine is working well, that’s fine. Keep in mind,
however, that many apologies are really exercises in hypocrisy.
Requiring an apology is often simply part of the child’s punishment—
not a learning experience involving sorrow or compassion.
For example, imagine your two sons have gotten into a fight. You
break up the tussle, then demand that they apologize to each another.
The older boy glares at the younger and with a sneer on his face says,
“I’m sorry.” His tone is forced, begrudging, and sarcastic.
Now let me ask you two questions about this child’s response.
First, was this a real apology? Of course not. His comment was
merely a continuation of the original battle, but on a verbal level.
Second, was his statement a lie? The answer is yes. If you want to
insist on apologies, make sure that you are not simply asking your
children to lie.