classroom, on an average day, fewer than five children will get any
count at all.
For those children who do get counted more often, if you are doing
the 1-2-3 program correctly, there should be no significant threat of
hurting self-esteem. What will hurt children’s self-esteem is the
yelling, arguing, name-calling, sarcasm, or hitting you may do if you
don’t control yourself. In addition, as you will see later, your overall
feedback to your children should be much more positive than
negative. And one count is a bit of negative feedback. Therefore, you
will want to more than balance your occasional counting with other
activities or strategies, such as affection, shared fun, listening, and
praise.
Should you ever spank a child?
It’s about time that people face up to reality: the vast majority of
spankings are parental temper tantrums. They are in no way attempts
to train or educate a child. They are simply the angry outbursts of a
parent who has lost control, doesn’t know what to do, and wants
revenge by inflicting pain. Parents who have big problems with self-
control and anger management try to justify and rationalize spanking
by saying things like, “You have to set limits,” “It’s for their own
good,” and “Having to hit the kids hurts me more than it does them.”
There are cultures and groups in which spanking is perceived as a
legitimate discipline technique. There are also people who really do
see—and use—spanking as a training device. But research suggests
t hat excessive physical discipline tends to generate anxiety in
children, lower their self-esteem, and make them more likely to
become aggressive themselves.
Generally speaking, though, adults who spank do not care one bit
about research. I have on occasion talked until I’m blue in the face
with parents like these, and sadly enough, changing their opinions and
their discipline habits is often a lost cause. Remember, the whole