What about the 1-2-3 program and special-needs kids?
1-2-3 Magic can be used with typically developing kids or special-
needs kids, such as children with ADHD, learning disabilities,
oppositional defiant disorder, depression, and even autism spectrum
disorders. The main requirement is that the child have a mental age of
at least two.
Usually the counting method doesn’t require much modification,
but two special instances, both involving anxiety, should be
mentioned. First, some children seem to become more anxious (not
angry, but anxious) when they are verbally counted. Sometimes using
a visual stimulus such as three cards (green = 1, yellow = 2, red = 3)
is helpful.
Second, it is not helpful to count if the problem is anxiety.
Anxiety, after all, is not willful misbehavior. A child who screams at
the sight of a mosquito or who bellows furiously when you try to
leave her at school will be better handled with reassurance and gentle
but firm structure.
When should you talk?
Is a teachable moment the time immediately following time-out? The
answer is no. The reason is this: a time-out is not only a consequence
but also a cooling-off period. If you greet your child right after their
rest period with a comment like, “Tell me what you did and how
you’re going to prevent future examples of this kind of behavior,” you
are likely to irritate the child. The cooling-off effect is lost, and you
are not off to a nice, fresh start. If you insist on talking to your kids
about an incident that occurred, do it some other time. Consider
making an appointment, and use the tactics described in chapter 22.
I like the program. How do I get my husband involved?
Husbands are sometimes difficult to get onboard with systematic
parenting programs. Here’s what you do. Get a copy of the first (blue)