Learning Curves 135“What was Jeremy’s concern?” asked the counselor.
“His concern?” asked the mother, still confused.
“Yes, at the moment I’m hearing only your concern,
which is that you were worried that he wouldn’t get his
homework done, and your solution, which is that he do his
homework before karate class. What was his concern?”
“I didn’t know he had a concern,” said the mother.
“I’m wondering if that’s because you skipped the first
step of Plan B...empathy,” the counselor said.
“I knew I was doing something wrong!” said the mother.
“No one does ver y well at this in the beginning,” said the
counselor. “What happened when you told him your concern
and invited him to solve the problem with you?”
“He started screaming at me,” said the mother.
“ Sounds like he must have had a concern,” said the
counselor. “The problem is, when you skip the empathy part
and jump right to your concern, he thinks you’re using
Plan A.”
“So what should I have said?” asked the mother.
“Well, do you have any ideas about what concern he
might have had about doing his homework before his karate
class? Has this come up before?”
“Oh, it comes up all the time,” said the mother. “He says
he needs a break before he does his homework.”
“Why does he need a break?” asked the counselor.
“Well, he’s been in school all day—this is what he says—
to tell you the truth, I don’t know how hard he’s actually