134 The Explosive ChildEMPATHYIf you skip the Empathy step, your child will think
you’re using Plan A because you’re leading off with your
concern and that’s usually a signal that you’re about to
impose your will. The Empathy step keeps your child
calm, gets his concern on the table, and reminds him
that you’re trying to do things differently.
A mother arrived at the counselor’s office one day with a fa-
miliar complaint.
“Plan B isn’t working,” she said.
“Tell me the stor y,” said the counselor.
“Well,” said the mother, “on Tuesday I told Jeremy that I
wanted to make sure he got his homework done before his
karate class and asked him how we could work that out.”
“So your concern was that he wouldn’t get his homework
done before his karate class,” said the counselor.
“Right. I know that if he doesn’t do his homework before
his karate class, it’s not going to get done because by the time
we get home from his karate class he’s too tired.”
“That makes sense,” said the counselor. “And what was it
that you were tr ying to work out?”
“What were we tr ying to work out?” asked the mother, a
little confused. “How we were going to get his homework
done before his karate class.”