Learning Curves 155skills, and if Plan A is simply causing explosions and hostil-
ity and misery, then it’s hard to imagine why your husband
would want to stick with something that’s not working.
Maybe he thinks his only other option is Plan C. We’ll have
to help him learn about that third option.
My child won’t do Plan B. I’m trying to work things out,
but he’s not.Make sure you read the next chapter. As mentioned
above, there are a variety of factors that could be interfer-
ing with your child’s ability to do Plan B. So it’s not that he
doesn’t want to do Plan B, it’s that he’s lacking some of the
skills required for doing it. You may have some additional
skills to teach him.
But when I tell my kid what my concern is, he says he
doesn’t care. How can I do Plan B with someone who
doesn’t care?Your child doesn’t have to “own” your concern to collab-
orate on solving the problem. The truth is, most adults don’t
“own” many of the concerns of, for example, their signifi-
cant other. They don’t really care; they just don’t say they
don’t really care. So your child doesn’t have to care about
your concern, but he does need to take your concern into
account to solve the problem in a way that is mutually sat-
isfactory.