Pathways and Triggers Brought to Life 57sponded. “It’s hard to know whether to reciprocate her
affection or to hold a grudge for a while to cement the
point that we don’t like that kind of behavior.”
“Well,” the therapist replied, “if you don’t think that
inducing and enduring explosions is going to help her
deal better with frustration the next time, then it follows
that holding a grudge probably isn’t going to help either.”
“Yes, but how will she learn that that kind of behavior
is unacceptable?” asked the mother.
“From what I can gather,” the therapist said, “the fact
that you disapprove of that kind of behavior is pretty
well cemented in her mind already ...so I doubt that
we’ll be needing more cement. She also seems genuinely
motivated to please you both ...and seems as unhappy
about her explosions as you are ...so I’m not sure she
needs additional motivation.” What Helen and her par-
ents did need was a different way to resolve disagree-
ments and problems.
“We’ve got some skills to teach Helen,” the therapist
continued. “We need to help her deal better with uncer-
tainty and unpredictability, and it sounds like we might
have some language skills to teach her as well. I also want
to get a much better sense about the precise situations
that are causing a lot of explosions. Then we’ll know
what problems we need to solve. I’d like you to do me a
favor. Make me a list during the coming week of all the
situations in which Helen became frustrated. My bet is