62 The Explosive Childfeeling he’s generally in a pretty cranky mood. I know
he’s not crazy about coming here, but is that his mood
most of the time?” the therapist asked.
“Absolutely,” replied the mother. “We call him
Grumpy. He doesn’t seem to enjoy himself very
much...and he’s very uptight. Everything seems to
bother him.”
“What an unpleasant existence,” the therapist said.
“And it has very unpleasant implications for everyone
around him.”
“You can say that again,” the mother sighed. “But what
does that have to do with his being explosive and angry
and trying to hurt me?”
“Well, if we view him as grumpy and irritable, rather
than as disrespectful and oppositional, then I think our
approach to dealing with him might look a lot different,”
the therapist said.
“I don’t understand what you mean,” said the mother.
“What I mean is that kids who are grumpy and irrita-
ble often don’t need more discipline,” the therapist said.
“I’ve yet to see discipline be especially useful at helping a
kid be less irritable and agitated.”
“I still don’t understand how being irritable is an excuse
for his being so disrespectful and angry toward me,” said
the mother.
“Well, it’s more of an explanation than an excuse,” the
therapist replied. “But when people go through the day