The Truth About Consequences 81exhausted and start to cry or fall asleep. Rationality
would be restored. Her exhausted parents would be frus-
trated and angry and would hope that what they just did
to their daughter—and endured themselves—was even-
tually going to pay off in the form of improved compli-
ance. When Amy would finally emerge from her room,
she would be remorseful. The parents would, in a firm
tone, re-issue the direction that started the whole episode
in the first place.
What’s the matter with this picture? Was Amy’s non-
compliance truly planned, purposeful, and intentional?
Are the terms oppositional, noncompliant, defiant, ma-
nipulative, coercive, attention seeking, unmotivated, and
so forth, really the best ways to describe Amy? Are her
parents truly lousy disciplinarians? Is a reward and pun-
ishment program really the best way to teach Amy how
to be more flexible and to deal more adaptively with
frustration?
No. No. No. No. And no again.
If a child has a reading disability, what’s the appropri-
ate intervention? Figure out why and teach the skills he
lacks. If a child is delayed in the development of mathe-
matics skills, what’s the appropriate intervention? Figure
out why and teach the skills he lacks. And if your child is
challenged in the domains of flexibility and frustration
tolerance, what should you do? Figure out why and teach
the skills he lacks.