joint role as husband and wife. The husband-wife team is the model upon
which much of this material is based. However, if you happen to be a
single parent or your spouse is absent from the home, don’t assume this
book isn’t for you. Your job as parent may be more challenging, but the
principles presented in this and subsequent chapters are universally true
and can be applied in all families.
Marriage represents a special bond between two people that is
matched by no other relationship. At least that was the original idea.
Marriage is unique—totally without parallel. It transcends all other
relationships. How truly amazing it is! Here’s an important outcome of
making the most of marriage. Great marriages produce great parents.
A healthy husband-wife relationship is essential to the emotional
health of children in the home. When there is harmony in the marriage,
there is an infused stability within the family. A strong marriage provides
a haven of security for children as they grow in the nurturing process.
Healthy, loving marriages create a sense of certainty for children. When a
child observes the special friendship and emotional togetherness of his
parents, he is more secure simply because it isn’t necessary to question
the legitimacy of his parent’s commitment to one another.
Why is this important? All children, it seems, are born with a radar
device that hones in on parental conflict. If a child perceives more
weakness than strength in this relationship, we believe this perception
produces a low-level anxiety in the child. Ultimately, the anxiety affects
all of the child’s learning disciplines. If something happens to mom and
dad, every child intuitively knows that his or her whole world will
collapse. With this critical relationship constantly in question, the child
lives perpetually on the brink of disaster.
You may think: “But we do not argue or lack in our love for each
other.” Be warned, insecurity is fostered by what is not taking place
between couples as much as what is taking place. The goal of parenting is
not simply to avoid excessive anxiety, but to create a world of confidence
by what we do with each other as much as by what we avoid doing.
Where the marriage is intact, keeping this relationship a priority is
your starting point for successful parenting. It almost sounds too easy. To
nora
(Nora)
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