out of a negotiator’s mouth, the more important they are.
Just like in the Malhotra study where the liar is distancing
himself from the lie, in a negotiation, smart decision makers
don’t want to be cornered at the table into making a
decision. They will defer to the people away from the table
to keep from getting pinned down.
Our cabdriver kidnapper in the Philippines of Alastair
Onglingswan used “we,” “they,” and “them” so rigorously
early on in the kidnapping I was convinced we were
engaged with their leader. I just never knew how literally
true it was until the rescue. In the Chase Manhattan Bank
robbery from Chapter 2, the bank robber Chris Watts
consistently talked out how dangerous the “others” were
and how little influence he had on them, all a lie.
THE CHRIS DISCOUNT
People always talk about remembering and using (but not
overusing) your counterpart’s name in a negotiation. And
that’s important. The reality though is people are often tired
of being hammered with their own name. The slick
salesman trying to drive them to “Yes” will hit them with it
over and over.
Instead, take a different tack and use your own name.
That’s how I get the Chris discount.
Just as using Alastair’s name with the kidnapper and
getting him to use it back humanized the hostage and made
it less likely he would be harmed, using your own name
creates the dynamic of “forced empathy.” It makes the other