Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

side see you as a person.
A few years ago I was in a bar in Kansas with a bunch of
fellow FBI negotiators. The bar was packed, but I saw one
empty chair. I moved toward it but just as I got ready to sit
the guy next to it said, “Don’t even think about it.”
“Why?” I asked, and he said, “Because I’ll kick your
ass.”
He was big, burly, and already drunk, but look, I’m a
lifelong hostage negotiator—I gravitate toward tense
situations that need mediation like a moth to the flame.
I held out my hand to shake his and said, “My name is
Chris.”
The dude froze, and in the pause my fellow FBI guys
moved in, patted him on the shoulders, and offered to buy
him a drink. Turned out he was a Vietnam veteran at a
particularly low point. He was in a packed bar where the
entire world seemed to be celebrating. The only thing he
could think of was to fight. But as soon as I became “Chris,”
everything changed.
Now take that mindset to a financial negotiation. I was in
an outlet mall a few months after the Kansas experience and
I picked out some shirts in one of the stores. At the front
counter the young lady asked me if I wanted to join their
frequent buyer program.
I asked her if I got a discount for joining and she said,
“No.”
So I decided to try another angle. I said in a friendly
manner, “My name is Chris. What’s the Chris discount?”