MAKE IT SAFE 89- He believes her concern in one small area reflects her total
feelings toward him.
So she'll apologize and use Contrasting to rebuild safety.
YVONNE: I'm sorry I said it that way. I'm not blaming you
for how I feel or act. That's my problem. I don't see this
as your problem. I see it as our problem. Both of us may
be acting in ways that make things worse. I know I am at
least.
laTHAM: I probably am too. Sometimes I pout because I'm
hurting. And I also do it hoping it'll make you feel bad.
I'm sorry about that, too.Notice what just happened. Since Yvonne dealt well with the
safety issue and kept focused on what she really wanted out of
this conversation, Jotham returned to the conversation. This is
far more effective than if Yvonne had gone into blaming.
Let's continue.
JOTHAM: I just don't see how we can work this out. I'm
wired for more passion than you are-it seems like the
only solution is for me to put up with it the way it is or
for you to feel like a sex slave.The problem now is one of Mutual Purpose. Jotham thinks he
and Yvonne are at cross-purposes. In his mind, there is no pos
sibility of a mutually satisfactory solution. Rather than move to
compromise or fight for her way, Yvonne will step out of the
issue and CRIB to get to Mutual Purpose.
YVONNE: [Commit to seek Mutual Purpose] No, that isn't
what I want at all. I don't want anything with you that
isn't great for both of us. I just want to find a way to have
us both feel close. appreciated. and loved.