MAKE IT SAFE 91We admit that it's pretty easy for us to put all the skills together
when we're sitting at a computer typing a script. But the good
news is, that's not where these examples came from. They came
from real experiences. People do act like this all the time. In fact,
you do on your best days.
So don't overwhelm yourself by asking whether you could
think this clearly during every heated and emotional conver
sation. Merely consider whether you could think a little more
clearly during a few crucial conversations. Or prepare in advance.
Bef ore a crucial conversation begins, think about which skills will
help you most. Remember, when it comes to these high-stakes
conversations, a little progress can produce a lot of benefit.
Finally, as is the case with most complicated problems, don't
aim for perfection. Aim for progress. Learn to slow the process
down when your adrenaline gets pumping. Carry a few of the
questions we're suggesting with you as you go. Pick the ones that
you think are most relevant to the topic at hand. And watch
yourself get better a little at a time.
SUMMARY-MAKE IT SAFE
Step OutWhen others move to silence or violence, step out of the con
versation and Make It Safe. When safety is restored, go back to
the issue at hand and continue the dialogue.
Decide Which Condition of Safety Is at Risk- Mutual Purpose. Do others believe you care about their goals
in this conversation? Do they trust your motives? - Mutual Respect. Do others believe you respect them?