MASTER MY ST ORIES 105For instance, what were the facts in Maria's story? She saw
Louis give the whole presentation. She heard the boss talk about
meeting with Louis to discuss the project when she wasn't pres
ent. That was the beginning of Maria's Path to Action.
Don't confuse stories with fa cts. Sometimes you fail to ques
tion your stories because you see them as immutable facts. When
you generate stories in the blink of an eye, you can get so caught
up in the moment that you begin to believe your stories are facts.
They feel like facts. You confuse subjective conclusions with
steel-hard data points. For example, in trying to ferret out facts
from story, Maria might say, "He's a male chauvinist pig-that's
a fact! Ask anyone who has seen how he treats me!"
"He's a male chauvinist pig" is not a fact. It's the story that
Maria created to give meaning to the facts. The facts could mean
just about anything. As we said earlier, others could watch Maria's
interactions with Louis and walk away with different stories.
Get Back to the Facts
Separate fa ct from story by fo cusing on behavior. To separate
fact from story, get back to the genuine source of your feelings.
Te st your ideas against a simple criterion: Can you see or hear
this thing you're calling a fact? Was it an actual behavior?
For example, it is a fact that Louis "gave 95 percent of the pre
sentation and answered all but one question." This is specific,
objective, and verifiable. Any two people watching the meeting
would make the same observation. However, the statement "He
doesn't trust me" is a conclusion. It explains what you think, not
what the other person did. Conclusions are subjective.
Spot the story by watching fo r "hot" words. Here's another tip.
To avoid confusing story with fact, watch for "hot" terms. For
cxample, when assessing the facts, you might say, "She scowled at
mc" or "He made a sarcastic comment." Words such as "scowl"
anu "sarcastic" are hot terms. They express judgments and attribu-