MASTER MY STORI ES 11 5For example, you now find yourself insulting your coworker
for not pitching in with a tough job. Your coworker seems sur
prised at your strong and "out of the blue" reaction. In fact, she's
staring at you as if you've slipped a cog. You, of course, have told
yourself that she is purposefully avoiding noxious tasks, and that
despite your helpful hints, she has made no changes.
"I have to get brutal," you tell yourself. "I don't like it, but if
1 don't offend her, I'll be stuck doing the grunt work forever."
You've strayed from what you really want-to share work
equally and to have a good relationship. You've given up on half
of your goals by making a Sucker's Choice. "Oh well, better to
offend her than to be made a fool."
What should you be doing instead? Openly, honestly, and
effectively discussing the problem-not taking potshots and
then justifying yourself. When you refuse to make yourself help
less, you're forced to hold yourself accountable for using your
dialogue skills rather than bemoaning your weakness.
MARIA'S NEW STORYTo see how this all fits together, let's circle back to Maria. Let's
assume she's retraced her Path to Action and separated the facts
from the stories. Doing this has helped her realize that the story
she told was incomplete, defensive, and hurtful. When she
watched for the Three Clever Stories, she saw them with painful
clarity. Now she's ready to tell the rest of the story. So she asks
herself:
- Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?
"When I fo und out that Louis was holding project meetings
without me, I fe lt like I should ask him about why I wasn't
included. I believed that if I did, I could open a dialogue that
would help us work better together. But then I didn't, and as