162 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS- They have unclear expectations about how decisions will be
made. - They do a poor job of acting on the decisions they do make.
This can be dangerous. In fact, when people move from adding
meaning to the pool to moving to action, it's a prime time for new
challenges to arise. Who is supposed to take the assignment?
That can be controversial. How are we supposed to decide in the
first place? That can be emotional. Let's take a look at what it
takes to solve each of these problems. First, making decisions.
DIALOGUE IS NOT DECISION MAKING
The two riskiest times in crucial conversations tend to be at the
beginning and at the end. The beginning is risky because you
have to find a way to create safety or else things go awry. The end
is dicey because if you aren't careful about how you clarify the
conclusion and decisions flowing from your Pool of Shared
Meaning, you can run into violated expectations later on. This
can happen in two ways.
How are decisions going to be made? First, people may not
understand how decisions are going to be made. For example,
Cara is miffed. Rene just plunked down a brochure for a three
day cruise and announced he had made reservations and even
paid the five hundred dollar deposit for an outside suite.
A week ago they had a crucial conversation about vacation
plans. Both expressed their views and preferences respectfully
and candidly. It wasn't easy, but at the end they concluded a
cruise suited both quite well. And yet Cara is miffed, and Rene
is stunned that Cara is anything less than ecstatic.
Cara agreed in principle about a cruise. She didn't agree with
this particular cruise. Rene thought that any cruise would be fine
and made a decision on his own. Have fun on the cruise. Rene.