Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

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placed by a customer, while you may not be able to decide what
to work on or what standards to follow, you can decide how to
work. Find out where you do have degrees of freedom and then
allow others to choose within these boundaries.


  • Explain why. When handing down an order, explain the reason
    behind the demand. Knowing why helps make what a lot eas­
    ier. For example, if you decide overtime is needed to meet a
    deadline, it helps to explain why you came to this conclusion.


The Dos and Don'ts of Consultation


The most obvious problem with consultation is that people
believe that if you involve them in sharing ideas, they get to make
the decision. It's easy to see how this happens since you ask for
people's input, you weigh all the options, and you make a deci­
sion. Then two-thirds of those you asked feel violated because
you didn't do what they told you to do.
Dialogue is a great tool for consultation. It enables you to get
all meaning into the shared pool. But before people start con­
tributing, be sure they understand that the fact that you are con­
sulting with them does not mean that eventually the decision will
be made by consensus.
When should you use consultation? Consult when (1) many
people will be affected, (2) you can gather information relative­
Iy easily, (3) people care about the decision, and (4) there are
many options, some of them controversial.
When these conditions apply, find a way to touch base with a
lot of people in different positions, locations, and functions
before moving on. Don't simply call on your friends and buddies.
Also, consider the following:



  • J)on', pretend to consult. If you've already made up your
    mind, don't go through the charade of involving people, only

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