Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

208 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

The Solution

With "imaginative" people, take a preemptive strike against all new
excuses. Gain a commitment to solve the overall problem, not sim­
ply the stated cause. For instance, the first time the person is late,
seek a commitment to fix the alarm-and anything else that might
stand in the way. Repairing the alarm only deals with one potential
cause. Ask the person to deal with the problem-being late.

"So you think that if you get a new alarm, you'll be able to

make it to school on time? That's fine with me. Do what­

ever it takes to get there on time. Can I count on you being

there tomorrow at eight o'clock sharp?"

Then remember, as the excuses accumulate, don't talk about the
most recent excuse; talk about the pattern.

INSUBORDINATION (OR OVER-THE-LINE DlSRESPEcn

IIYEAH,

BUT ...

WHAT IF THE PEOPLE you talk to not only are angry. but

also become insubordinate? How do you handle that?"

The Danger Point

When you're discussing a tough issue with employees (or even
your kids), there's always the chance they'll step over the line.
They'll move from a friendly dispute to a heated discussion and
then into the nasty territory of being insubordinate or acting dis­
respectful.
The trouble is, insubordination is so rare that it takes most
leaders by surprise. So they buy time to figure out what to do.
And in so doing, they let the person get away with something
that was way out of line. Worse still, their perceived indifference
makes them an accomplice to all future abuses. Parents, on the