Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

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More than any time in history mankind faces a

crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter

hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us

pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

-WOODY ALLEN

Start with Heart


How to Stay Focused


on What You Really Want


It's time to tum to the how of dialogue. How do you encourage
the flow of meaning in the face of differing opinions and strong
emotions? Given the average person's track record, it can't be all
that easy. In fact, given most people's long-standing habit of cost­
ly behaviors, it'll probably require a lot of effort. The truth is,
people can change. In fact, thousands of people we (the authors)
have worked with over the past decades have made lasting
improvements. But it requires work. You can't simply drink a
magic potion and walk away renewed. Instead, you'll need to
take a long hard look at yourself.
In fact, this is the first principle of dialogue-Start with
lleart. That is, your own heart. If you can't get yourself right,

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