Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

28 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

you'll have a hard time getting dialogue right. When conversa­
tions become crucial you'll resort to the forms of communication
that you've grown up with-debate, silent treatment, manipula­
tion, and so on.

WHEN WE DON'T WORK ON ME FIRST

Let's start with a true story. Two young sisters and their father scur­

ry into their hotel room after spending a hot afternoon at Disney­

land. Given the repressive heat, the girls have consumed enough

soda pop to fill a small barrel. As the two bursting kids enter their

room, they have but one thought-to head for the head.

Since the bathroom is a one-holer, it isn't long until a fight

breaks out. Both of the desperate children start arguing, pushing,

and name-calling as they dance around the tiny bathroom. Event­

ually one calls out to her father for help.

"Dad, 1 got here first!"

"I know, but 1 need to go worse!"

"How do you know? You're not in my body. 1 didn't even go

before we left this morning!"

"You're so selfish."

Dad proposes a plan. "Girls, I'm not going to solve this for

you. You can stay in the bathroom and fi gure out who goes fi rst

and who goes second. There's only one rule. No hitting."

As the two antsy kids begin their crucial conversation, Dad

checks his watch. He wonders how long it'll take. As the minutes

slowly tick away, he hears nothing more than an occasional out­

burst of sarcasm. Finally after twenty-five long minutes, the toi­

let flushes. One girl comes out. A minute later, another flush and

out walks her sister. With both girls in the room, Dad asks, "Do

you know how many times both of you could have gone to the

bathroom in the time it took you to work that out?"

The idea had not occurred to the little scamps, but the instant

it does, it's obvious what both immediately conclude.